music reveals the soul

Music is such an awesome thing. It can make you feel pain or make you happy. It expresses your feelings in that moment or you can make it seem like every song is just for you. There is nothing like that feeling when you hear a song and it immediately hits the rewind button on your life. You are immediately taken away to a certain place and time it reminds you of when you heard a particular song. I LOVE IT! I say
if you feel it, let it happen. If you feel like dancing, if you feel like crying or just feel like writing, just go wherever the music takes you.

Ramblings...

So lately I have been trying to read a lot to get my mind in the writing mood. Whenever I'm not near a computer, I can think of a hundred things I want to say and write. Then, when I come to write...nothing. I guess I just wonder how writers have a constant flow of data just stored in their brains to write all day. Believe me, I have plenty to say. How do I say it in a well-mannered well-respected way? Should I just blurt whatever out and see what happens? My brain half the time feels like a scrambled egg and that's not from drugs. I don't do drugs...anymore! Like for instance, right now I'm thinking of how I feel about my job, how I love it, how I hate it, what I want to do about it, the people who work there, the problem with being on a diet....see the problem here?

I just turned twenty-nine....WHAT? I know I look really good for my age, but still. Who at twenty-nine have no clue what to do with their life or can at least cross a few options off. I can't even say if my job offered me a promotion if I would take it. Most people would say "are you crazy? Who doesn't take a promotion?" Plenty. Crazy scatter brained people like me. What if I told you it was just a profession where they pay you good money to make other people feel good about themselves by allowing them to yell at you about something as small as the color of a substance they will forget in one hour? Would you still say I was crazy or would you say those people paying you are crazy....or would you say those people yelling are crazy? The people yelling are crazy of course. They have my vote. Hey PEOPLE...listen...you eat three meals a day...if your steak is a little underdone...it's not going to kill you. We could go on all day about this but that's what most of my life consists of right now so I will spare the details.

Do we all have to follow the pattern of life?

My friend just found out she was pregnant and now suddenly she is having a shotgun wedding. Have we really not come that far in society to automatically get married because of a pregnancy? I'm not saying they are not happy, but why the pressure to get married immediately? Will there be more of a chance to work it out for legal purposes? What is more detrimental to a child, having to split up their lives if things don't work out or knowing that they're parents weren't married immediately after they were conceived? I understand that people say for religious purposes but we won't even go there because there is way too much to say there.



I know someone else who is married, has a kid, a stable job and doesn't at all seem happy about any of it! She loves her kid, but maybe she didn't want to follow the "blueprint" of life. You know, the graduate, go to college, meet a nice boy, get married, get a "real" job and have kids. Why not graduate, figure out who you are, explore the world a little and then decide what the next step is. What's so fun about a life that is preplanned? What about her life? Is she now supposed to just deal with what she has and be unhappy forever? When can she let out what she has been pushing down her whole life? Never?

I guess I'm glad I'm different. I did graduate. I did go to college. I met a girl instead of a boy. I met a few more girls. I did date a few guys. I explored who I was and I'm not done yet. It's not even legal for me to marry my girlfriend and I really can't really worry right now about getting pregnant. : )

Why do people hide what they are truly feeling? Social pressure? Family? Why does everything have to be so "perfect" even though we all know it doesn't exist?

Why am I too scared?

Why is it that I crave to be so different, yet I am too scared to just change? Am I too scared to change? Am I really that big of a wuss? I think about it all the time. I can't sleep because my mind races all night thinking about the things I want to change. I want to change my job. I want to volunteer more. I want to write a book. I want to read more. I want to spend more time with my family. What do I really want? I want a career. I want to make up my mind about something, anything at this point. It's hard for me to even not argue in my head about what I want for lunch. Am I going insane? Am I working too much? Who has time to decipher all of this? Maybe I should just get some ADD medicine and figure it out. Who knows though, I probably won't be able to decide which doctor I would like to consult. I'm a hot mess? Anyone out there to help me?