Why am I too scared?

Why is it that I crave to be so different, yet I am too scared to just change? Am I too scared to change? Am I really that big of a wuss? I think about it all the time. I can't sleep because my mind races all night thinking about the things I want to change. I want to change my job. I want to volunteer more. I want to write a book. I want to read more. I want to spend more time with my family. What do I really want? I want a career. I want to make up my mind about something, anything at this point. It's hard for me to even not argue in my head about what I want for lunch. Am I going insane? Am I working too much? Who has time to decipher all of this? Maybe I should just get some ADD medicine and figure it out. Who knows though, I probably won't be able to decide which doctor I would like to consult. I'm a hot mess? Anyone out there to help me?

So I think I want to be heard

So I think I want to start writing a novel or screenplay or just something that will just get read by other people. I have this site as kind of my own thoughts to myself, so I don't really mind that no one is really listening or reading out there. I do however, want to be heard by someone saying something. I think I've had an interesting life. If not interesting, maybe different than most.

I've just done some research on how to even begin to write a novel and screenplay. I think actually that in addition to this blog, I will write another solely on the adventures of how this novel or jumble of words came about.

It's disappointing to know that all the journals that I've written in and all the thoughts I had the courage to write down, don't document all the fun and great times I've had in life. Most of my journals are filled with sadness, confusion, hurtfulness and just downright depressing (makes you want to jump off a bridge) type of shit. Why is that? When you are happy, you should want to document every little thing that made you that way. You should not want to document the time your girlfriend broke your heart into a million pieces and made the whole world go cold.
Something to ponder. From now on, I vow to write down things that make me happy too.